Our Streets are filled with Idiots

idiot

Pronunciation: ` I – de - at (usually offensive)

noun informal
- a stupid person.

synonyms:
fool, ass, halfwit, nincompoop, blockhead, dunce, dolt, ignoramus,cretin,imbecile, dullard, moron, simpleton, clod.

Wonder if our dictionaries too are censored. Why else would they have defined idiots using just about a dozen harmless words…? Given a chance we would have liked to add a few choice words of our own. But since idiots seem to multiply faster than rabbits on Viagra, it would take me a century to introduce you to the entire species. So, in public interest, I’d stick to those, that affect us the most – those likely to give you a free pass to your own funeral…

TYPE 1:  THE EARPHONE/HEADPHONE CLAD IDIOT 

 

‘Eminem’ caps and ‘Metallica’ tees are not the only indication…you find them moderately dressed too. I kid you not! With their fist made ‘V’s and ‘U’s swaying to their hard rock tunes, they are transported to their whole new pseudo world, only to be rudely awakened by an indignant pedestrian. That’s when you know what you’re up against. The only remedy I suggest is a Christ’s Smile – Forgive them, coz they don’t know what they’re up to…

TYPE 2 : THE ‘TO DO OR NOT TO DO’ IDIOT 

Should I have a Blueberry cheesecake or a pancake for dessert? Will I ever get the right girl? Mutual funds or SIPs?

There is certainly no harm in thinking about your life. But trying such stunts during peak hour traffic ?? That’s a clear sign you’ve come across a ‘To do or not to do’ type of idiot… and as you screech to a halt, all you can do, hope and pray is that you don’t break anything more than his chain of thoughts…

TYPE 3 : THE DEPRIVED IDIOT 

 

There are a few things in life we don’t have the liberty to choose – like our parents, our names or even the schools we go to, to name a few…And the same goes for this guy (oops! Idiot) who’d been forced to spend his puberty in an ‘all boys’ school with nothing but a few Magazines (and hands of course) for company. How else would you explain a grown-up, forcing you to stop dead in your tracks, just to admire a member of the opposite sex?? And just when he chooses to make your life on the road as deplorable as his teens, he jumps straight into my list!

TYPE 4 : THE ‘I KNOW IT ALL’ IDIOT 

He, who considers himself no lesser verb than ‘Google’, the ‘I know it all’ Idiot….With an in-built Encyclopaedia, he always has an answer, an opinion on everything under the Sun. Be it the latest gadgets and gizmos or the current happenings, he is one Bimbo, who can easily and very confidently take you for a ride. Be it misguiding you to board a wrong bus or wrong directions, these ‘Omnipresent’ species are undoubtedly the toughest to identify..!

TYPE 5 : THE ‘LOUUV LORN’ IDIOT !

He hides like a Trojan on your FB friends list and has the greatest of all hassles in life…This ‘Devdas’ of sorts who seems perennially disinterested from the materialistic world, seeks solace only in the dreams of his ‘khwaabon ki mallika’…An idiot for some, an entertainer for the rest, he is one specimen you've gotta watch out for!

And, it doesn't quite end here. But, it does give you the hope to bear with them, being well-versed with their commonest types. As Einstein aptly puts it “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former”. Trust me, you’ll find them packed like sardines in a tin, here, there and everywhere and as a TV commercial aptly puts it ,

 “Our streets are filled with idiots, isn't it?”

“Haan haan main crazy hoon” – some would protest..!

-  Sushant Singh Bhatia.

Inspired by CEAT’s ‘Our streets are filled with idiots’ campaign.